The good news is that you can be gay and still be a Mennonite, in spite of what you may have heard in church or from your friends and family who say otherwise. You may hear things in church or from your pastor that lead you to believe you can’t be a good Mennonite and be gay, but that’s not true. There are even many Mennonite churches that actually welcome gay men and women into their congregational families.
The Mennonite Church as an institution is very confused about gay and lesbian people. Considering that Mennonites first showed up in the 1500s and gay people only really started coming out of the closet in the 1960s, it has been a relatively short time that the Church has had to deal with gay and lesbians in their congregations and as ministers. Even so, the Mennonite Church has been extremely slow to address the issue intelligently and continues to be totally awkward when it does.
The main problem is the Mennonite Confession of Faith, which most, if not all, Mennonite churches require adherence to if you want to be a church member. The Confession is a beautiful Mennonite document of faith and moral living. The problem is that when it addresses gay and lesbian people, it falls apart in logic and really discriminates against gay people when it addresses sexuality and committed relationships.
The only place in the Confession of Faith, written 15 years ago, that hints at how the church should treat gay and lesbian people is in the section titled Family, Singleness, and Marriage. The controversial part of that section for gays and lesbians says: “We believe that God intends marriage to be a covenant between one man and one woman for life….According to Scripture, right sexual union takes place only within the marriage relationship.”
Even though this doesn’t specifically mention gays and lesbians, it says a great deal to us about the lives that the Church believes we should lead. In short, it says that since sexuality may only be expressed in a marriage relationship, and marriage is only for one man and one woman, then gay people may not express sexuality, unless, of course, they marry someone with whom they are not physically attract to.
It is sad for most people to think that their only options in life are to either, 1) marry someone they are not sexually interested in, or 2) live a life without sexual intimacy. As a young gay or lesbian Mennonite, this this may give you feelings of hopelessness, fear, and even thoughts that you don’t want to live anymore.
The truth is, you can be a gay person and a Mennonite and have a life that includes a relationship with someone you love in every way, including sexually. The Mennonite Church does clearly state that it believes sexuality is one of God’s gifts to humans. And it’s true! What’s not true is that this gift is only for some of God’s creations and not others. Sexual expression is a gift for everyone, including you. And it is an even greater gift when you use this gift of God in a committed relationship with the one you love, whether that person is a guy or a girl.
God gives all His gifts freely, for us to use wisely. The Church is made up of human beings who do not always make the right decisions or even always agree on what the right decisions are. Sometimes it is important to discern between what God says and what humans say. Since God created you as a gay or lesbian person, you should thank Him for his wisdom and celebrate in being a full expression of what God made you.
The Church is made up of people whose job is to interpret God’s ideas for us. The Church is not always right. But God is! In fact, many ideas that the Church has decided in the past were changed as they understood the truth better. The Bible has some parts where it talks about homosexuality as a sin. But it also says you shouldn’t cut the hair at the sides of your head. (Lev. 19:27) I bet you know at least one person in your church that cuts their hair at the sides, maybe even your pastor!
If you have a problem figuring out if it is right to be gay because of what the Bible says, there are tons of places on the Internet where you can read great stuff from gay and straight people who have studied these verses and found that the verses talking about homosexuality have been really misinterpreted by us humans. Look them up if this is something that bothers you about your own gayness and how it relates to the Bible.
Some Mennonite churches (maybe yours!) will not allow gay and lesbian Mennonites to be members of their churches. These churches can be scary places to be if you are a young gay guy or girl. Only you can decide whether you want to talk to your pastor about who you are and whether you will be safe doing so. Most of these churches will tell you that you need to change to straight. They do not understand that you cannot, and should not, be something you are not. It’s not what’s best for you.
There’s also a chance that you are just not sure yet whether you are gay or straight. And that’s totally normal, too! Some of us always knew we were gay, and others of us took a lot of time in figuring it out. If you want an adult or pastor to help you as you figure this out, be sure to find a supportive person. A supportive pastor or adult can help you figure it out and will encourage you whether you realize you are gay or straight. But an un-supportive person will only encourage you to be straight. So be discerning about who you talk to.
So, now that you feel relieved to know that you can not only be a gay or lesbian Mennonite, but you can be happy about being a gay or lesbian Mennonite, you might have more questions or want a supportive person to talk to. There are actually several Mennonite organizations made up of gay and lesbian people or people who support gay and lesbian Mennonites. Plus, there are hundreds of Mennonite churches that encourage gay and lesbian people to be members and part of their churches. The best place to start is the BMC website. You can email them or call the phone number at the bottom of their homepage if you have questions or want to talk to someone. They’re really great people there, and they have tons of resources they can tell you about. Plus, they’re totally confidential, so you can feel free to tell them anything you want and they won’t tell anyone
Most importantly, be happy that you are a gay or lesbian Mennonite. There are thousands of us just like you who have great lives and love their Mennonite churches and communities.
